怖くて声がでない。 Lost voice.

体が硬直し、
言葉がでなくなる。
If I become extremely nervous, I lose my voice.

私は今、病院研修にいくたびにそんな感じになっている。
Recently I experience the lost of my voice often whenver I go to the hospital.

消してストレスを抱えているとか言うわけではなく、
It does not mean that I am stressed out.

ただただ卒業前の研修だけに、求められている内容も高いし、与えられている仕事の責任も多い。
However, the context the school requires through the clinical is getting to be higher and the responsibilities I take is also heavier.

またグループセッティングでの会話も多いから、とにかくみんなの会話のスピードが速い。
Especially, we have more group conversation than one-to-one, it is just very hard for me to pick the vocabraries from overlaped sentences.

過緊張。 Too much nervousness.

言葉が出ない。 Words do not come out through my mouth.

まるでロボットのように、無表情な私。My face does not have any experssion like a robot.

お昼にご飯食べにカフェテリアに降りた時に、病院の一人のスタッフに声をかけられた。
One of the staff from the hospital talked to me when I was heading for the cafeteria.

”今日、笑った？” He said, " Have you ever smiled today?"

私は、彼にかけられた一言でふっと目が覚め、そして緊張がとけた。
I was totally awake once he talked to me and I felt my nervousness was gone.

”やっぱり？私の顔すごい緊張してた？教えてくれてありがとう！”
I loughed and said," Have you ever noticed it? Is my fase so serious? Thank you for telling me know! I kind of knew that, but I was really nervous!!"

元気に声を出して誰かと話したのも、それが最初だった。
It was my first conversation I could have with my smile for today since morning.

もうすでに６時間病院にいて、笑顔で元気に話した最初の言葉。
I had already been at hospital for 6 hours by the time he talked to me, but that was my first clear voice with the smiling face!"

声をかけてくれた彼に心から感謝できた。
I really appreciated that he pointed it out to me.

しかし、やはりICUに戻ったら、過緊張が始まった。
However, that nervousness came back once I was placed back in ICU.

声が出ない。 I can not speak out.

家に帰り、ホストマザーに話したら、そんなこと想像つかないわよ！といわれたけど、
I talked about this episode to my host mother. She said she would no be able to imagine how I can not be talkative.

これは初めてのことではない。It is not the firt time, yet.

過緊張による声の喪失。I lose my voice due to the exessive nervousness.

ふーーーー。かなりの祈りの課題だ。 HUmmmmmmmmmm. It is a pretty much serious subject of my prayer....